Happy Mother’s Day, anyway

Each year for the last six years I’ve dreaded this day because of my infertility. This is the 6th Mother’s Day I’ve spent praying that no one tells me happy Mother’s day because I haven’t been blessed with that title. I hated Mother’s Day services at church. I was bitter about the fact that when all the mothers got to stand up, I sat there looking at the floor trying my best not to break down. I took for granted the fact that I had an amazing mother to celebrate. I took for granted the time I should have spent praising God for choosing her to be my mother, and spent the day bitter and sad because of something I didn’t have. I took for granted what I did have. An amazing mother who I no longer have here to celebrate. This is the third year that Mother’s Day has had a whole other meaning. I just thought Mother’s Day hurt before, but I had no idea what true pain was then. I can no longer go out to eat or shopping with her. I can’t bring her peanut m&m’s and flowers. I can’t shop for the perfect funny Mother’s Day card. To spend Mother’s Day with my sweet Mama, I now have to visit her at the cemetery and look at her name on that headstone.

I say all this not for pity, or to make you sad, but as a reminder to those who still have their mothers on this day. Don’t take time for granted. Don’t let things you don’t have take precedence over what you do have. Savor each and every moment you can spend with her. One day, when you no longer have her, you’ll wish you had. Hug her a little tighter this year. Make memories that you’ll remember for the rest of your life. Take pictures. One day, those pictures and memories are all you will have.

God knows the desires of your heart. He’s heard every prayer for a child whether through words or broken hearted tears. Don’t let this day be full of sadness. Know God has you, and He knows the perfect plan for your life. Enjoy the moments with people you have. Think happy thoughts. Make happy memories. Laugh. Hug. Love. Be present.

If you don’t have your mother on this Mother’s Day, remember the good things. Remember her laugh and beautiful smile. Remember the way she said your name, or the way she hugged you so tight. Remember the good things. She may not be here now, but great grief comes because of great love. Celebrate the one who meant so much to you. If your mother was anything like mine, you were blessed to have her for any amount of time, even if it doesn’t seem like it was long enough. If you need to cry, cry. If you need some time alone, take it. Just remember, whether here or in Heaven, if you miss her that much, she’s worth celebrating still. I see you. I feel you. I love you.

Even if it’s hard, Happy Mother’s Day, anyway.

Love always,

Cody Jill

To the Motherless Daughters and Childless Mothers on Mother’s Day…

This post is going to be a two parter (is that a word?). Mother’s day is a happy holiday for most all. We get the chance to show our appreciation to those wonderful women who raised us. It may not have even been your own mother, but there was some woman in your life that you probably considered “like a mother” to be celebrated. I was blessed with lots of amazing women in my life that always treated me like their own. My grandmothers, aunts, Mama’s best friends. Of course, there is my sweet Mama. My angel. I can’t celebrate with her on this Mother’s day like i’d like to. I can’t hug her or bring her flowers or chocolates (her favorite thing in the world). I took so many opportunities for granted with my Mama thinking i’d have forever to make it up, or finally pull off that great idea for a gift, or even spending as much time as I could with her. Days like Mother’s day make you think of those things. All the memories you missed because you took life for granted. All the things, you shoulda, coulda, woulda done if you knew what was coming, or just had one more opportunity. Losing a mother is like losing a part of you. I felt like I now had to be both child and parent. It’s the first hard thing you go through without your mother, and unfortunately also the hardest thing you might’ve been through. I didn’t have her here last Mother’s day either. She passed just a few weeks before. I was in no place to give anything but a bitter opinion on the unfairness of it at that point, but here now, a year later, I feel a little differently about it. I still miss her like crazy, and I will cry on Mother’s day because she isn’t here. It can feel like your an orphan when you lose your mother. I won’t say time has changed my perspective in a year, it’s been nothing but God’s healing grace. They won’t be bitter tears this year. They’ll be tears of a daughter who just misses her Mama because she was absolutely amazing. Tears of a daughter who just wants to hug her one more time. Tears of a daughter who is thankful to have had the amazing mother she did, even if it wasn’t for anywhere near long enough. If you don’t have your mother on this day, try your best to think some thankful thoughts for having the mother that you did. I know it’s hard, I promise, I do. I’m just asking you to do the same thing i’m asking myself to do to hopefully make this day a little easier. If you had a mother that you loved enough that you still grieve her no matter how long its been, you had a good Mama. Be thankful for that. Think of good memories, and things she’d want for you and from you on this day if she were here. She’d want time with you, some good hugs, and happiness. As hard as it may be, i’m going to try and spend this Mother’s day the way she’d want me to, and with the people she’d want and that she would be with if she were here. If you do still have your mother or mother figure, don’t take time for granted. Make the drive, make the phone call, buy the present, bake the cake, or whatever it is that you know she loves. Just be present. That’s all most mother’s want, just your presence. I miss you, sweet Mama, and I love you more than all the sand in all the oceans.

Now, for the second part of this two parter (i’ve used it twice, it’s a word now). HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY (that’s me shouting it at you) to all those mama’s in waiting, and mama’s with precious angel babies. If your heart’s desire is to be a mother, and it hasn’t happened yet for whatever reason, Happy Mother’s day to you for having the heart of a mother, whether it’s your official title or not. If I was a betting woman, i’d be willing to bet you’re a Mama to every kid you’re around. That’s a mother’s heart, right there. Keep trying, keep praying, and don’t lose faith. God knows your heart, honey, and if we are praying His will, we’ll get exactly what we are supposed to have. Whether that baby is carried in your womb, or someone else’s, God’s plan for you is perfect, even when we can’t see it for all the tears in our eyes. I see you, I feel you (been trying for a baby for 5 years), and I LOVE YOU! Cry if you need to, stay home if you need to, but get up Monday morning ready to start a new fresh day with tons of possibilities. Your story isn’t finished yet.

Sweet Mama’s with angel babies, Happy Mother’s day to you! You may not be holding that baby in your arms, but you hold it in your heart, and held it in your womb. You’re a Mama. A mama who’s little one had some other purpose for God that we may not ever understand, but you’re a mama all the same, and YOU were chosen for a reason to carry that little one to fulfill God’s plan for it and you. You were chosen for a reason. You are strong enough that He chose to use you for whatever miracle or message He needed someone to see or hear through your struggle. I commend you, I pray for you, and I know there are special things waiting for you in Heaven for what you’ve been through, including a big hug from your little one who has only known paradise and not the things of this cruel world.

Mother’s day is a good day. There may be bad times in it, don’t let moments ruin a whole day. Hug your loved ones tighter (but don’t tell anyone, because you know, Corona), and appreciate who we do have or did have for the wonderful memories we made with them. If you’ve lost your mother, lost a child, or haven’t been able to have your own children yet, don’t let that hurt be wasted. Be a comfort to someone else going through the same thing. We don’t have to hurt alone. I’m here, I love you, and I pray that you have a wonderful Mother’s Day, even through the tough moments.

Love Always,

Cody Jill

National Infertility Awareness Week

So, we get our own week to celebrate being infertile, right!! Just kidding. This week is all about AWARENESS. So many women suffer from infertility for so many different reasons. Some choose to keep it quiet, while others are more open and vocal about their struggles. I respect both choices immensely. It’s up to you how to deal with what you are going through. I just thought I’d share some facts about some of the reasons i’ve dealt with personally, or seen loved ones go through, some thoughts with you about why i’m so open about it, how it’s affected my family and friends, and hopefully some tips for you and those you love who don’t know as much about what living the infertile life is like.

Here are some basic facts about infertility, just to give you an overall glimpse of how many women are actually affected by this: Infertility means after one year of trying, women are still unable to get pregnant. If the woman is over 35, it’s reduced to 6 months. About 10% of women ages 15-44 have difficulty getting or staying pregnant. That is 6.1 million women, y’all. I didn’t just make these stats up. Go to https://www.womenshealth.gov/a-z-topics/infertility for some more interesting facts.

PCOS: The reasons behind infertility are also vast. 1 in 10 women, like me, suffer from PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Some, like me, have cysts covering their ovaries. I’ve seen my ultrasounds, and it literally looks like a string of pearls lining both ovaries. While it is a “treatable disease” just like anything else, treatments don’t always work. It calls for medicines, shots, more medicines, and total life overhauls. We have been treating and trying for 5 years now. I don’t ovulate. I’ve tried medicines to make me ovulate, which according to my bloodwork, one actually worked, but after 8 months we still hadn’t gotten pregnant. Not to mention all the other lovely things that come with a PCOS diagnosis. Here are just a few: Irregular menstrual cycle (I average about 6-8 a year), too much hair in places that normally only men grow hair because of the testosterone given off by all the cysts on our ovaries, acne (i’m 32 and STILL suffering with acne), some have thinning hair and male pattern baldness, weight gain and difficulty losing weight (raising both hands here), diabetes, high blood pressure (check), unhealthy cholesterol (check), sleep apnea (check), depression and anxiety (double check with both hands raised which also means, you guessed it, more meds), migraines and headaches from the hormonal imbalances (raising both hands and feet here, and again, more meds), and can even lead to endometrial cancer. These aren’t even all of them, on top of being infertile. It’s not easy, y’all, and 1 out of 10 women suffer from this.

Endometriosis: It’s a common health problem in women, affecting more than 11% of women of childbearing age. Endometriosis happens when tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside of your uterus and on other areas in your body where it doesn’t belong. Some symptoms include immense pain during cycles, pain during and after intercourse, intestinal pain, pain during bowel movements, and intestinal problems. In short, it causes lots and lots of pain in a lot of different ways. Pain, y’all. Plus, it can make getting pregnant extremely difficult. I’ve seen first hand with a loved one what it can do to you, and it’s not something to write off and dismiss. It has real and lasting effects, and can lead to multiple surgeries to remove it, because it keeps coming back.

These are just two of so so many reasons, people. Two that i’ve dealt with personally either by having it myself, or watching one of the closest people in my life deal with. I’ve also had dear friends that have or are dealing with Secondary Infertility. Just because, by the grace of God, you had one child, does not mean you can easily have another. People have such misconceptions about this and it is so hurtful for those dealing with secondary infertility. First of all, you don’t know what they might have gone through to have the first child, and secondly, don’t make rude comments like, “Well you had one, why haven’t you, can’t you, don’t you, or why wait so long to have another?” Nobody needs to hear that mess. You don’t know everyone’s story. That goes for all women who may seem like they’ve waited a long time to conceive, or haven’t done it fast enough for society’s standards, or have miscarried and not gotten pregnant again yet. You. Have. No. Idea. So, just don’t make comments like that to people, it’s just rude. Some men deal with infertility too, not just their wives, but they may be part or all of the reason a baby hasn’t happened yet, so just keep that in mind. OK, i’ll get off that soapbox 🙂

Infertility affects a lot of women, as I’ve said many times so far. People you know may be dealing with it, and they just aren’t open about it. I chose to be. That was based on decisions made by me and the Hubs because we hope that our story can help someone not feel so alone, or lacking because they can’t, or just seeing that the range of emotions are not abnormal. We all feel them. I have a wonderful support system in my Hubs, family, and friends. They know what we have and are going through. They respect us and are sensitive to how it feels. I’ve mentioned in posts before, I may be considered slightly emotional/dramatic, but just slightly :), so hiding my feeling about certain situations was difficult for me. It just made things easier for us both to be open with those we love about it, not only so I wouldn’t have to feel like I was holding so much in at times (you can only hide so much crazy), but because we now have the specific prayers and support we need from those that love us most. They know they don’t have to tiptoe. They know a hug, or and I love you on certain days are just what I need, and we know we aren’t in this alone.

Personally, we decided to come off meds for a while and just live without the pressure of tracking ovulation and worrying about all the doctor visits, test, and you guessed it, medications. Since my sweet Mama passed a year ago, we really felt I needed time to process and get myself in order before we added the extra stress back in to the mix. People may not understand. I’m 32, 33 in November, and yes I know I’m not getting any younger, but we felt this was just right for us right now, and I don’t regret it. It’s been good for us to just getting back to life and finding my new normal without my biggest supporter by my side. Honestly, we have prayed and questioned whether we are meant to have kids at all, and if we still want to go back to trying soon. God, hears our prayers, and we have no doubt he’ll lead us to that answer when the time is right. Until then, i’m going to be the best, coolest, favorite aunt and godmother to my babies that I love like my own.

People don’t realize the emotional, physical, and mental stress this puts on people dealing with infertility. Sometimes, I see a pregnancy announcement, and it’s a literal kick in my stupid cyst covered ovaries before I can feel happy for them, and other times, I can scroll right past and feel just happiness for them. Sometimes I feel like I still have plenty of time, and other times I think i’m going to be the team grandma when my kids grow up because most of the mothers will probably be in their early twenties, or younger, and i’ll be in my late thirties by that point. Sometimes, I see these precious babies out and about and want it so bad it hurts, and then I go down the next aisle in the store and see a kid laying on the ground pitching a big one because they want the chocolate cereal, and i’m secretly relieved that isn’t me. It’s a crazy, messed up, whirlwind y’all. Please don’t judge me. I just want others dealing with this to know they aren’t bad people or crazy for having mixed emotions and feelings about what they’re dealing with.

If you know someone who is dealing with infertility, or even if you don’t know they are, just be mindful of what you say to women in general about pregnancy. Don’t remind them they aren’t getting any younger. Don’t tell them to relax and it’ll happen (you might get throat punched, just warning you). Don’t tell them some people just aren’t meant to be parents (yes, i’ve been told that). Don’t ask every week at church if they’re pregnant yet, or what they are waiting on. Don’t expect that everytime they show up unannounced or call you out of the blue that it’s because they’re pregnant. It could be other great news for them that they want to share, and you just blew their happiness about it out of the water by saying what you thought it was. Just be mindful, be respectful, and be loving.

Some do’s for all those who truly want to support their loved ones: Give them a hug on hard days. Tell them you’re praying for them. Tell them you love them. Give them a little extra support through text or calls when you know they’re down. You don’t even have to mention or know exactly what’s wrong or why you’re doing it. They’ll know, and appreciate your thoughtfulness. If they open up to you about how they’re feeling, they’re not expecting you to have all the answers or great advice, they probably just need you to listen and empathize with their struggle. Just be there for them.

Since it is National Infertility Awareness week, i’d love to get video or written testimonials from any of you who are dealing with infertility, in whatever form, and share them this week. Just message me on my facebook page, and we’ll come up with a plan. I’m going to go deeper into my story one day this week, either by video on my Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/jesusandcoffee30/, or another post. I’m typically better at writing than speaking, but we’ll see what I feel led to do. Let’s make this not such a secret or embarrassing thing for women to deal with. Let’s spread awareness, and hopefully, love for those who are dealing. If you need someone to talk to privately, don’t hesitate to message me. I’m no expert, i’m just along for the ride myself, but i’d love nothing more than to be there for you.

Love always,

Cody Jill

To my loves on Mother’s Day…a note for those who are or love someone waiting…

kidney stoneLet me start by saying that Mother’s Day is not a terrible and bitter day. While those of us who have waited countless Mother’s Days to earn that title, we have those feelings and those moments throughout the day, but we still appreciate it for what it is and the fact that some of us, like me, are blessed with mother’s more incredible than we could have imagined. For those of you who don’t have your mom on Mother’s day, I cannot even begin to speak to what that level of pain must be like, but know that I love you and pray so hard that you are able to have a happy Mother’s day regardless of the pain you feel. With that said, I want to start by saying how much I freaking LOVE my Supermom and how grateful I am to have her for another Mother’s Day. She is a cancer fighting warrior, and the strongest woman I know. I have no doubt that all the strength I gained from her is one of the main reasons I have the strength to get through another Mother’s day. Happy Mother’s Day, Mama!! I love you more than all the sand in all the oceans!!!

This will by my fourth Mother’s day since we started trying to grow our family. While I assumed it would get better with time, it never seems to hurt any less. Thankfully, I am blessed with my amazing Hubs, Supermom, BFFLouise, a wonderful family, and dear friends who make my life so much better. Not to mention my two gorgeous and perfect God-Daughter’s and loads of family & friends kiddos that I love with all my heart!! If you don’t have a strong backbone of family and friends to help you through days like Mother’s day, or any other days that are just tough days, please please please reach out to me. I would love to be able to be that for you and help you through things that no one should have to face alone!! Know that you are loved by me!! 

I just wanted to offer some advice today to those who are dealing with infertility that maybe you’d like to share with those around you that may not know exactly what to do to help you through tough days like Mother’s day. So, to those who have a loved one dealing with infertility or miscarriage or whatever else may make this Mother’s day a difficult one, here a few do’s & don’ts to remember on this day…

As well-meaning as it may be…don’t offer advice.  While we appreciate the thought of you wanting to help us by telling us what might help or what to try or how it’ll happen in the right time or if we “just relax” (by the way, we seriously want to throat punch the next person who tells us to relax and let it happen…just being honest). On days like Mother’s day, it really doesn’t make us feel any better. It can make us feel like we are really the cause because we aren’t doing something right or are doing something wrong. We have doctors who give us advice, and well-meaning strangers who have no idea what it is to deal with infertility on a daily basis, so from our loved ones on this day, advice is not necessary. While nothing you can say will take away what we are feeling, just telling those struggling how much you love them helps. Tell them how you are praying earnestly for them. Tell them that you don’t understand either, and that you know it’s difficult and unfair. Validate their feelings, because Lord knows we all feel like jerks when it’s hard to be happy on a day that should be a happy one for most people.

Don’t ignore the tears you see us trying to hide or the pain we are struggling to conceal. While those of us struggling are not trying to gain attention or take away attention from the mothers being celebrated, we also don’t want to be treated like others are afraid to come near us because of the struggle. Give those ladies a hug, squeeze their shoulder as you walk by, grab their hand and tell them you love them. Give their husbands a big pat on the back and let them know you love them and know they struggle too. A little touch and some love goes a long way when you feel all alone on a battlefield.

Don’t assume we want to avoid you on Mother’s day…or that we don’t mean it when we tell you happy mother’s day and that we love you. Those who know me should know that I personally wouldn’t tell you if I didn’t mean it. Don’t think just because we are sad or upset that we don’t see what a happy day this is for others, or that we can’t appreciate the wonderful mother’s of kids they allow us to love as our own. I have several wonderful friends and family members with amazing kiddos that I love unconditionally. When I tell you that I love you and wish you a Happy Mother’s day, please know that I mean it. That I adore you and your babies that you share with the Hubs and I. That without you being a great mommy and sharing your babies with us, we would miss out completely on happy moments with kids since we don’t have our own.

Don’t be afraid to wish us happy mother’s day or feel bad if you do without thinking. While we may not yet be mother’s officially, we know today is a day where every woman in the country will be told happy mother’s day, regardless of their mother status. It’s ok. Don’t feel bad or apologize. I feel like a mother to my 30 kiddos I am blessed to love on everyday at school. I feel like a mother to my precious babies of friends and family members that share their babies with the Hubs and I. It’s just a phrase that all say to women on this day, so don’t freak out or feel bad or start apologizing if you say that to a woman struggling with infertility. We understand, and it’s ok.

This last don’t is for those ladies who haven’t been privileged to receive the “mommy” title yet…don’t feel like less if you are not ok today. I have said if before, and I will say it again. It is ok to not be ok. Days like Mother’s day are hard, and those that love you will understand and appreciate the pain you feel. It’s ok to not know exactly how to feel, or to have bitter moments. It’s ok to be so happy for others while feeling like your own happiness is so far out of reach. It’s ok to not want to put yourself in positions to cause you more pain…church, family gatherings, going out to eat where all mother’s will be out being celebrated. It is ok to not be ok. Just don’t live there. Have your moment, moments, hours, breakdowns, tears, hurt, questions, whatever you need to have, and then go on to the next thing. Just remember that whether you are ready for it or not, the sun is going to come up tomorrow for a new day, and while it may not be a day with leaps and bounds of progress for you, or the day you finally get what you have been hoping for, it is a new day. A day you can decide to be ok for. A day with a new set of challenges, but also new opportunities for love, hope, and growth.

Know, sweet mama, (because regardless of whether or not you have birthed or adopted a child, the love you feel for something you don’t even have yet makes you a mama) that you are loved by me, and you are prayed for by me, and that whatever you are feeling is and has been felt by me also. You are not alone, and you are not less because of something you don’t have yet. I hope and pray you find some happiness and joy on this Mother’s day, and that you remember that regardless of whether or not you have a child who calls you mom, you have the heart of a mother, or this would not be as difficult as it is for you. So, Happy Mother’s Day, sweet mama, and remember you are loved!

From the bottom of my heart,

Cody ♥†

 

It looked funny…

I got caught majorly off guard today. Scrolling through Facebook, looking at some videos and one pops up of dads that let their daughters make them princesses. I clicked on it because it looked like it would be funny and super cute. I was immediately socked in the chest with what I was missing, what we were missing. Those hilarious little everyday moments with daddies and their kids that my infertility issues were depriving him of. I know without a doubt he would be wrapped around our little girls finger, and if she wanted to give daddy a princess makeover, daddy would get a princess makeover. It shook me to my core y’all. Something so simple, that I was totally unprepared for just rocked my world for me. Then, sometimes all it takes is a best friend as sassy as you to knock your world right back on its axis with, “I love you to pieces, but stop it now. Do not do this to yourself.” Thanks, Louise.

We all have those thoughts and feelings that, as much as you’ve tried to block them off by reading, praying, studying, cleaning, whatever you can to keep busy and your mind on something else, anything else, they won’t go away. Sometimes you can’t even really pray about it because, if we’re being honest, you know with all that’s in your head, you can’t pray it sincerely from your heart. It’s been that way lately, and all I can do is just keep digging, clawing, or in Dory’s terms, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…”. That is what we have to do. Keep swimming, and find a few good friends to swim with us and keep us on track. This world is going to turn regardless of how we feel about it. Things will happen that catch us off guard. We will have those moments of grief for things we miss or haven’t even been given the privilege of having yet. Morning is going to come, the day will pass, and then we start all over again.

The bible says in Psalm 30:5, “For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.” Not that you’ll be ok. Not that He is going to give you whatever it is you think you need to be happy. Not that tomorrow is coming, so you might as well enjoy it. It says JOY comes in the morning. But you know how you can have joy in the morning, when the night was wrought with pain, tears, whatever it is that maybe plaguing you? You have to believe that His book, His mighty word says that joy comes in the morning. Then, you have to make sure you are in a place to receive His joy that He is offering. Our only true joy is in Him. Not our wants or needs. Not material things. Not even the things we have that we just knew would be a life changer. Our only joy is from Him.

Whatever it is that may have caught you off guard recently, or turned your world upside down, just remind yourself that JOY comes in the morning, and you have to be ready to receive it for it to do any good for you. Don’t live in the pit, climb out on the ladder He drops for you and have JOY!

Just keep swimming,

Cody

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One of those days…

Y’all, you know those days where you feel good, you’re looking cute, you’re cowlick didn’t do that weird thing it does all the time right in the front of your head (can I get a witness), it’s beautiful outside, just a great day in general. Then……BAM! You see/hear/read something that completely knocks you off your rocker. Suddenly, you don’t think that outfit looks as good on you as it did in the mirror this morning. This hair, ugh, has an evil mind of its own all of a sudden. The beautiful day just loses its luster and you want to get in your car, drive back home, and hide under the covers where it doesn’t matter that bed head makes your hair look like you have a nest of baby birds on your head. (Can you tell my hair and I have a serious love/hate going on?)

The cause for this sudden change varies from person to person, and if you’re like me, day-to-day. All self-confidence goes out the window when you see that adorable family with the blonde hair blue-eyed baby that could pass for yours, but isn’t, because for some reason your body does not want to complete the normal functions of a woman and reproduce. That pregnancy announcement on Facebook from someone who “wasn’t even trying” when you have done everything imaginable for years to get pregnant and cannot. When you are trying to lose weight and get fit and then see that gorgeous woman and automatically feel like a troll. The guy and girl on a date that instantly makes you question why you haven’t found someone yet because you are a good person with lots of love to give. Maybe you have lost a child and something about this certain little one at the store brings back memories or makes you wonder what it would be like to have your own baby with you shopping.

These days happen to all of us. The reasons are our own and others may not understand why certain things upset you out of nowhere or why you haven’t been to a baby shower in almost three years. Why you cry at every wedding because you want so badly to find your own soul mate. I just want to tell you that its OK to not be OK, sometimes. Life is hard, and there are plenty of obstacles to step over, climb up, or even run through. Just know that you can do it. You can get through that moment that causes you to stop breathing for a second. You are woman enough to be a mother. You look adorable in that outfit, even though you are still not at your goal weight. There is nothing wrong with you as a person, and the fact that you are single later in life than you wanted to be just means God is taking His sweet time preparing that man for you and your love.

Take a minute, hour, day and let yourself get those feelings out. There is no shame in that. The only shame in having those feelings is when you live in them. Take some time, work through it, then pack up and move on. The day goes on. Life goes on. God is not done with you yet, and His timing and plan are worth waiting for. I hope those days for you are few and far between, and know that even in those unexpected moments, you are never alone. The Bible says in Jeremiah, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.” He knows the plans. It’s not a minute to minute decision making process on His part. He KNOWS and they are plans to prosper you, not harm you. They are plans to give you hope!! Hold on to that hope in Him and His plans for your future. Also, as hard as it is, we have to try not to get in the way of those plans. We can mess them up in our desperation and times of turmoil in our hearts and minds. Just remember, He has your future laid out, and It. Is. Perfect. He does not make mistakes. Allow yourself to relax and rest in that hope and enjoy the ride!

Love and Prayers,

Cody †♥

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Our Story…(So Far)

46495947_10214727404111125_6410346484369195008_oI am not very good at talking about myself, so here goes. I married the love of my life in 2013. The Hubs is so stinkin’ funny and keeps me laughing all the time. I truly believe God paired us perfectly because we are total opposites in so many ways, but it really works. We love the Lord and believe in putting Him first in all things! The hubs is the pastor of our church, and I (do my best to help) lead the Middle School Sunday School class. I love kiddos and have been teaching children with special needs, my dream job, for 5 years now. We have huge crazy families that we absolutely adore! We love to cook and try out new recipes in our kitchen!

We have been trying to grow our family for about 5 years now. I was diagnosed in December of 2015 with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This has caused a great deal of problems in our journey to become parents, but we are praying and seeking help from some great doctors. I’m 32 and had planned to have a house full of kiddos by now, but sometimes my plans are not God’s plans. I know His plan is perfect and I am anxious to see what He has in store for our lives! Hopefully sometime on this blog I will be able to share the good news of success in this area of our lives. I’ll post a more in depth story of my journey of infertility so far, but for now I just wanted to give an overview on my crazy life!

I love Jesus, my husband, my family, chocolate, and last but not least, COFFEE!