Happy Mother’s Day, anyway

Each year for the last six years I’ve dreaded this day because of my infertility. This is the 6th Mother’s Day I’ve spent praying that no one tells me happy Mother’s day because I haven’t been blessed with that title. I hated Mother’s Day services at church. I was bitter about the fact that when all the mothers got to stand up, I sat there looking at the floor trying my best not to break down. I took for granted the fact that I had an amazing mother to celebrate. I took for granted the time I should have spent praising God for choosing her to be my mother, and spent the day bitter and sad because of something I didn’t have. I took for granted what I did have. An amazing mother who I no longer have here to celebrate. This is the third year that Mother’s Day has had a whole other meaning. I just thought Mother’s Day hurt before, but I had no idea what true pain was then. I can no longer go out to eat or shopping with her. I can’t bring her peanut m&m’s and flowers. I can’t shop for the perfect funny Mother’s Day card. To spend Mother’s Day with my sweet Mama, I now have to visit her at the cemetery and look at her name on that headstone.

I say all this not for pity, or to make you sad, but as a reminder to those who still have their mothers on this day. Don’t take time for granted. Don’t let things you don’t have take precedence over what you do have. Savor each and every moment you can spend with her. One day, when you no longer have her, you’ll wish you had. Hug her a little tighter this year. Make memories that you’ll remember for the rest of your life. Take pictures. One day, those pictures and memories are all you will have.

God knows the desires of your heart. He’s heard every prayer for a child whether through words or broken hearted tears. Don’t let this day be full of sadness. Know God has you, and He knows the perfect plan for your life. Enjoy the moments with people you have. Think happy thoughts. Make happy memories. Laugh. Hug. Love. Be present.

If you don’t have your mother on this Mother’s Day, remember the good things. Remember her laugh and beautiful smile. Remember the way she said your name, or the way she hugged you so tight. Remember the good things. She may not be here now, but great grief comes because of great love. Celebrate the one who meant so much to you. If your mother was anything like mine, you were blessed to have her for any amount of time, even if it doesn’t seem like it was long enough. If you need to cry, cry. If you need some time alone, take it. Just remember, whether here or in Heaven, if you miss her that much, she’s worth celebrating still. I see you. I feel you. I love you.

Even if it’s hard, Happy Mother’s Day, anyway.

Love always,

Cody Jill