Rotel made me cry…

Yes, that’s what happened today. Rotel made me cry. Not because it was spicy, or got in my eye, or any other thing my clumsy self could accomplish, but because of a random memory that it brought crashing to the forefront of my mind.

My Mama was a great cook. I try, but i’m no comparison to her, even when using her recipes (kinda makes me mad, but what can I do). She made this Chicken Spaghetti that was DIVINE. Whenever I wanted to make it, I would always call her while standing in the store, staring at the different spiced Rotels, and ask which one she used that was always just the perfect amount of heat. Literally. Every. Time. I could never for the life of me remember. This morning, I was thinking about making some chicken spaghetti tonight, running through the ingredients in my mind, and making a list of what I didn’t have. I didn’t have Rotel. No stinkin’ Rotel. Then, I thought, “Well, i’ll just call Mama real quick (for the 100th time) to see what she uses”, and remembered that I couldn’t. I can’t call my Mama. I can’t ever call Mama to ask about which Rotel she used again. I broke, y’all. I broke down over a can of Rotel. It’s embarrassing to admit, and as we’ve established, I’m an emotional hot mess, but crying over Rotel. Really?! There are pictures of her everywhere. I think about her constantly, but this, THIS is going to get me today. It was just one of those things that hit me out of nowhere, and y’all, I folded like a lawn chair.

I’m sharing this random, slightly embarrassing story with you to say this, if you’ve lost someone, you’re going to have a “Rotel moment”.  You’ll have those days where its all normal and you’re just going along with your day, and something will slam into you like a truck. It’s okay. It’s not crazy. You’re not too emotional, or being a baby. You’re being human. You’re being reminded of a piece of your life that’s missing, even by something as simple as a can of Rotel. Have your moment. Talk to someone about it. Talk to me about it if you have no one else. Lord knows I have no room to judge anyone’s breakdown moments. Then keep going. Do the next thing. Think of that next ingredient you need for your recipe and move forward. As I’ve said before, I have an awesome support system, and the piece of advice I got today while sharing my crazy that helped the most was, “You are not crazy. One day, buying Rotel will make you smile because it will remind you of the conversations you had when you had to call her over what kind to get. Today is not that day, but it will come.”

One day, whatever your Rotel is will be a happy memory. One day we’ll smile over things that still make us cry right now. One day, we’ll be a little more okay than we are today. Don’t rush yourself. Grief is an emotion, that while shared by all at some point in our lives, is totally unique to each individual. Cry over your Rotel today, and remember one day, you’ll smile about it. Don’t lose hope. Don’t feel bad about yourself, and always remember, it’s okay to not be okay, just don’t stay there.

Love always,

Cody Jill

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