Soooo, it’s been a hot minute. I realize that, and I apologize. Life has totally run us over, slung it in reverse, and then come back for more in the last few months. However, I don’t really want to get in to the negative things that have happened. Those details are not important. They’ve been talked about, prayed over, and ultimately either dealt with or let go at this point. What is important is how my gracious Father has worked throughout these hard times (even when I was being a total brat and did not deserve it).
We tend to have tunnel vision when things are going wrong in our lives. All we can see is the immediate future and how the next action will affect us in that moment. We don’t take time to see the bigger picture, or how God may be at work during these struggles. Believe me, I am so guilty. My tunnel vision is 20/20. I felt so swept up in the bad and what had and could go wrong, that I was missing the only thing that would make any of it better. I was upset with God. I didn’t, and still don’t always, understand why things always had to be so difficult! (Can I get an amen?!) Then one morning, I was at home sick. Hubs was at work, and my Supermom was sick. I was so very overwhelmed by life and felt the walls literally closing in on me. I had been so stubborn. I could fix it. I could handle it. No one needs to know. I don’t want to talk about it. STUBBORN. I knew in my spirit that God was tired of me running, and being so stubborn headed, and had let me get to a point in my life that I had nowhere else to turn.
So, that is what I did. I cried and I prayed, and I cried some more. I couldn’t tell you 1/4 of what I actually said, but He heard it. He heard my cry to him, and He answered. (Probably with an eyeroll and a, “Finally!” Thats what I would have done.) He gave me peace. Peace I had not felt in what felt like forever. You know what else came after peace? Clarity. Being at peace let me see things without my tunnel vision and realize it was not as terrible as I had thought. Then, He gave me guidance to His will. He let me finally see ways to help and put things in my path that I would have ignored before with my drama goggles on. I thank God, wholeheartedly, now that I have seen all this with some clarity. I had wandered away, trying to survive in the lion’s den on my own. God let me get to where I needed to be to see Him for what He is. The author of my story. Had I let myself trust in him, and not been the stubborn woman I am, I could have saved myself a lot of unneeded worry, stress, and grief.
I know that New Year is a time for resolutions and new beginnings, but I have never been very good at sticking to resolutions. I just want this year to be a year of growth. I want to see the good before I get so lost in the negative that I feel like i’m drowning. I want to be in a place all the time to feel God’s peace and guidance, preferably without the nervous breakdown beforehand. I want to walk so closely to Him, that I never have the chance to doubt that He has the best in mind for me, even when I don’t understand how we are going to get there. I pray all of you had a fantastic Christmas and New Year, and may we all be in a place to rest in His perfect peace! I will also be writing more, so be on the lookout! Oh, and, try not to be so stubborn! 😘